Is it a Disorder?

Evangel told me my strengths but immediately after finding out my number one, very top strength they told me the weakness in it... Activator=Impatient. My whole life it has been one thing to the next. In high school, the bell used to ring at 2:46pm which left just enough time for me to go back to my locker, go out to my car, and be at work by 3:00. Anytime I have ever participated in or lead an activity, you can almost gaurentee if I had anything to say about it there would be little down time. If there is a task to be done lets do it now... this was my attitude. In fact, after graduation I booked my plane to Spain with only 3 days inbetween to finish my RA duties, drive home, and pack for my two month adventure. So- the waiting game I have played for the past month and a half has been challenging to say the least. I have complained only a little and done my best to have a good attitude.. but I met my breaking point last week. With no money, no job, and impatience being my top weakness, God decided to use this time to teach me a lesson. I spend day and night applying for jobs, praying for certain ones, and doing what I think to be the best.. but my best is not God's best. I will never do everything right nor will I have it all figured out, but what I do know is that God is stronger than even my top stength, so he is that much more strong in my weakness.
I am doing my best to be patient and put my hope in His promises. To trust that wherever I go and whatever I do He will be there with me...but...as I wait He is made perfect in and through me.

I have what I have.. but I'm giving it up.

I have once again learned this life is not about me. A lesson that takes looking outside myself and straight into the hearts and the needs of others. This is not the first time I have come across this "divine" revelation. In fact, God has had to remind me of this more times than I think He'd have liked to. I sit here, content, happy, and just full of hope... in spite of the fact that I have no idea what God wants to do with my life.. But I need to know... There is no doubt that my time in Spain changed me... My eyes were certainly opened to a world so much bigger than the one I've known for the past 21 years. My heart yearns to pour what I have and know into others. I do love being home. I find the comforts I have here refreshing..but...maybe not necessary.. I love my family and my friends more than words could possibly describe... but what if there are more that I'm supposed to love? I can't help but feel if I don't give my entire life to this destiny.. to this call on my life (whatever that may be) that at the end of it all I'll feel like Its been a waste... I have a burden.. I have a heart.. I have the capability... so.. I seek direction.. I don't know that this is an overnight process.. it may take time.. I may need to be patient.. But I know one thing.. If I don't fulfill God's purpose for my life anything I do will be empty and lonely.