Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Because Everyone Else is Doing It...

Last summer I did an internship with a police department outside Detroit. It was 150 hours riding along with middle aged men. Some of them creepy, some of them weird, and some who I had way too much fun with. That experience made me realize I could never marry a cop..mainly because most of them were cheating or had cheated on their wives.. Anyways.. The traffic unit was my favorite. Those guys were real with me right off the bat and I have a sincere appreciation for genuine people. They made no effort to cover up their laziness and the easiness of their job. Some nights they wrote their tickets in a couple hours then ordered pizza and went back to the station and watched a movie. But these guys filled me in on everyone. They gave me the low down on anyone I had worked with and anyone I would. They told me about this one officer who was really preachy. He talked about his Christianity openly and made no secrets about his faith. However, this guy had an evident problem with pornography and was also very open about his attraction to other women, even though he was married with two kids and these other officers were very aware of that. To these men, this immediately discredited this guy. They probably would have been able to appreciate him and respect him had he not had this lust problem. There was another officer who told me he was a Christian. This was one sentence where he didn't use the f-bomb and a brief moment between his spits of chewing tobacco juice into his pop bottle (that was really nasty, btw!) You see, I understand grace and the obvious need these men have for it, but unfortunately, to many people in the world it appears as hypocrisy.

Of course, my faith too came up in many conversations. These men would ask me what the worst thing I had ever done was and the only thing I could come up with was that I toilet papered my principals house when I was a senior in high school (She was a good sport!) . I mean, I told them that I could be selfish and harsh sometimes and tried to show them that I have things I do struggle with.. but to them, they couldn't get past the fact that I have never used a swear word in my life. The down side of this, of course, is that I have never really felt like I had a testimony per say.

But..I have been thinking about this lately, and it made me realize the grace that God has on my life. As I was re-living some childhood experiences last night with some friends I started to realize that peer pressure has never been an issue for me. I was too stubborn to do anything because someone else wanted me to. My stubbornness has its downsides and those are always what I have focused on and tried to change, and rightfully so. But, maybe God is going to use this about me to reach people that others can't? I want to be real and connect with them, and through that my weaknesses may show through but maybe because the things I struggle with are so minuscule to people in the world, they will see past those and be able to see my savior? Maybe as I reflect grace upon them they will see the genuineness in that.. I sure hope so anyway.. because it would be really great to see God work through this weakness of mine and use it to somehow.. maybe?

Sunday, January 25, 2009

At the Bottom of the Sea

The story of the woman caught in adultery in John 8 has given me complete confidence in the grace of my God. That grace that Jesus showed to that woman gives us a glimpse into His heart. He stood in the way of her condemnation. He was her only way out.
I remember sharing this story last year when I had the opportunity, through the jail ministry at my church, to speak to a group of women in the Greene County Jail. As I shared this, these women obviously in a pretty desperate place, listened intently as I read those freeing words that Jesus spoke to that woman "Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more." Several of them fighting tears upon being reminded that Jesus would say the same to them. They faced a realization that Jesus took on all of their wrongs and sins, things that they couldn't hide from. They messed up and are living out the consequences in green uniforms, white socks, and brown rubber sandals. But nonetheless, Jesus' grace is the same in there as it is out here. I, myself, had to fight back tears as I too had this realization. I need God's grace just as much as each of them do. The only difference is, I can hide my faults a lot of times and I can easily forget how much I need Him. These women are reminded every day when they wake up behind steal bars that their only hope is in Jesus.
Another concept I have a hard time wrapping my mind around is that Jesus forgets my sins when I ask Him to. He doesn't even know that I did them. It is unfortunate that I remember each of them vividly. I am again brought back to these women in the jail. They are living in jail because of their sins. How could they forget them? But yet, some of them spoke up and shared their hope in the salvation that Jesus gave them and the mercy they have to live in. It is the only way they are able to function every day.
I want that desperation. I want to need Him to function. Just to get through each hour of the day. I want to embrace His forgiveness and live in it everyday. I also want that compassion that Jesus has. That I can see a beating heart and life worth loving through a woman's scarlet letter of adultery or through steal bars of a jail. His love is unchanging and unconditional. I want to mirror this!