Thursday, February 26, 2009

I'm not gonna lie..

I really have no idea how to handle this!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I Really Do Want You!

No matter how many boulders want to roll on top of me, no matter how many times I may be confused and take the wrong trail, no matter how many unwanted turns there may be, there is one thing I am completely confident in and that is the faithfulness of my God.
I use songs alot as examples for situations I may be going through and I intently listen to lyrics of songs and find connections with them. I love music and I love the art of expressing something lyrically. Most of all, I love using music to express my deep love and admiration to my savior. But sometimes when I hear songs that have lyrics like "You are all I want" or "all I need" I have a hard time actually singing those words to God, because I consciously have to decide if He is really all that I want in that moment. I start thinking about how I really want to get a good grade on this test, or how I really just need to clean my room. Sorry God, but there is alot on my mind and to be honest, you're not all that I need or want right now.
But sometimes, and it is in those sometime moments that I realize His faithfulness to me, He really is the only thing I want. In those moments I recognize that He is the only thing I need. I need to know He loves me. I need to know He hears me. I long for the comfort I find in Him and to sense His very presence there with me. I want Him more than I want to live another day.
I love these moments. I love it when I realize what is most important... to take a break from the constant "to do" list and just sit at His feet and try to feel the beating of His heart. I get so caught up in what my society tells me I need to do. I rush through things so that I can get to the next "thing" when really the only "thing" I need is to acknowledge the desire my creator has to be with me. To realize that those "sometime" moments are all the time for God. He always wants me to be His and only His, he always wants to be with me and for me to acknowledge His presence.
Even when I don't feel Him, He is there. Even when I don't acknowledge Him, He is there. But oh it is ever so much better when I realize it!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Sometimes it really stinks being the bigger person.

Friday, February 6, 2009

I think, therfore I am.

I will probably end up deleting this post later.
But I feel like writing down a few things that I think..
So.. here goes...
I think that birds of a feather definitely flock together!
I think that guys who are in their 30's and up and still work out are pretty cool.
I think that some people are really made to be together. No names.. but there is this professor.. and him and his wife had to be a match made in heaven.
I think it is kinda funny when you find out that quite a few people thought you were a couple with someone cuz you hung out in the lobby with them.
I think that it is really cool when I see people that I know in the Evangel adds in the TPE.
I think that Jenna.. the OA on duty with me has really cute shoes.
I think I need to fast facebook.. I get on it way too much.. or maybe I just need self-control.
I think it is sad that we have RA interviews during Mr. EU.
I think my current obsession with working out is quite fun.
I think I need to stop having senioritis.. at least for 3 more months.
If I think of anything else I will put it here.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I Believe..Even if its Just a Dream.

I write about this alot.. I know.. but it is something that is almost always on my mind.. mainly because it is so imperative right now. I have started looking forward to graduation quite a bit. However, only under the condition that I am able to stay in Springfield. I am simply not ready to leave this place and all of the wonderful people that I have been privileged to know and love. My class isn't graduating until 2010. My favorite friend in the whole world has signed a contract with St. Johns that will keep her here for at least 4 more years. I have other friends who have graduated and have also stayed in town.

Then there is home. The only thing there is my family. I love them.. but I do not have any desire to go back and struggle tremendously to find a job. Michigan's economy is the worst.. and I have a hard time even entertaining the idea of going back to that beloved little town of 1260 people. However, I can look forward to visiting that place that has a special place in my heart. And.. of course.. Probably one of the most beautiful things that God ever created... Lake Michigan!

But.. the police department here is not currently hiring.. and unless they pass this tax increase in June.. won't even be having an academy this year.
This is okay with me. I do want to do that sometime eventually.. but I will be just as content working for the state in other areas.. such as working with juveniles.. working in probation and parole.. doing social work things... My only criteria is that I will be helping people and it will be a place where God will be able to use me.
Ultimately, I want God's will more than anything.

Other positives to graduation:
I am going to spend 64 days in Spain. This is amazing and I love looking forward to that.
I am going to start making money.
I will not have to write long ridiculious papers any longer (Well.. until grad school at least)
I will be forced to face a fear of mine...growing up.
I will get to go put into practice everything I have learned here at Evangel.
I will get bigger and better opportunities to do what I was born to do.. love and help people.
I will have money to support a huge passion of mine.. missions.
I will have more time to get involved at church.. and to do things for leisure.. like read..and scrapbook..
I will dedicate some of my time to improving my skills on the guitar.
I will join the elite group of Evangel alumni.

Wow..
I think this step will take me right into my mission field, give me opportunities to pursue other things I can't at the present moment, and begin a completely new stage in my life. I can do this!